. ..i guess its pretty crazy that looking at old pictures of Me with Her makes me feel better about my current situation. the fact that i was SO SO SO SO SO SO SO in love with her. not in a passionate way, but just in an 'IN LOVE' kind of way. ..and to know that we ended. ..and my heart broke. ..and it mended. ..and i'm STRONGER. ..loving Ivy was like. ..WHEW! she was my baby. not my Queen. not my heart. just my baby. i loved her with the intensity that a mother loves a child. ..ok, i'm lying (when i use the past tense...sometimes i still feel it). ..a tear from her eyes was a dagger through my core. ..i often explain it just like this. ..ALL JOKES ASIDE. ..no exaggeration. ..i loved Ivy enough to die for her. ..that if someone walked up to the two of us and said "one of u has to get shot and killed right now, choose". ..i'd take the gun from their hand and *bang* without a second thought, i would've shot myself to make sure that she lived. ..and loved her enough that i would've fought with EVERYTHING in me to survive. ..because i know she wouldn't have lived happy without me. ..or feeling like i 'left' her. ..i felt like i had to nourish and protect her. ..SPOILED her in every little way i could. ..lol. ..smh. ..i loved the shit out of her from the moment i saw her. ..and people don't believe in love at first sight. ..hmph lol. ..that's only because She was never their surprise. ..she was mine. i mean i ADORED her ..and i think sometimes she loved me too. ..just differently. ..she was rotten. ..LOL. ..rude. ..rough. ..rock hard. ..stone. ..[hmmm, a gentleman asked me once in an instant job interview 'which is stronger; water or stone? and why?' (i chose water- always go for the under dog). ..but i didn't know why. he said water is stronger, because water erodes stone/rocks]. ..it was like Ivy only allowed herself to love but so much...or at least to show it and let it be known. ..and i kept showering her with my love water lol but dammit my tap ran dry. ..right when she was ready to crack. ..and love. ..and we had our falling out.. (i'm gettin tired of typin lol) .. and we fought.. and she threw scissors at me. ..lol..and rice bowls. ..and cut the phone chords.. .and i taught myself to hate her. ..for a year. ..and then i healed. ..and i'm alright. and now we're friends..we talk..i love her. ..but. ..shit isn't the same. ..and i'm fine with building different bridges. ..to different places =]
i'll be better than okay. ..
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